Variety in bed – a great desire for many couples in a long-term relationship. But the implementation is often a problem. No wonder, after all, sex is still the most beautiful secondary matter in the world and must take a back seat to everyday duties and responsibilities. However, there are simple and effective ways to combat routine during sex. Here you will find tips and ideas on how to break the routine and bring more variety and new momentum into your love life.
How we love: the status quo
You love him or her and you’re a good team: you trust each other, you can rely on each other, and you’re always there for each other – a stable relationship with a bright future. But there’s this one thing… Your love life, which used to be so wild, spontaneous and passionate, has gone a bit stale over the years. No need to worry, this is how many couples feel. The most important thing is not to give up or get frustrated about it, but to work on it.
Every 4th German is rather dissatisfied with his/her own sex life. This was the result of the AMORELIE Sex Report. The most common reasons for this are either too little or too routine sex. What helps here is a conversation with your partner. But: When it comes to their sex life, Germans are rather reserved when it comes to communication. Only 18% regularly talk to their partner about their love life together. Such conversations often have a negative connotation, but they can open the door to positive changes. Because even if you’ve known each other for years, you can’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. In addition, sexual needs can change. What was good a few years ago is no longer, or what was always taboo suddenly becomes interesting….
Variety in bed: what can we change?
To provide variety in bed, it is important to know what you want and what you don’t want (anymore). Most couples who long for more intimacy, passion and variety in sex complain about one or more of these main points. Before you talk to your partner about your desires, you should be clear about what exactly you would like to change.
- The routine: Every touch during foreplay, every grip during the main act sits like a perfect choreography that you could even reel off half asleep? This fact is not a bad thing per se. After all, over the years you have found out what you like and what you can do to make your partner happy and satisfied. After some time, however, a love game according to the pattern can provide some boredom and loss of desire.
- The lack of time & energy: Hot and sweaty nights, in which you make love several times and just can not get enough, are a thing of the past? Today, a glance in the direction of the bedroom and about 15 minutes of privacy is enough? Then you are probably parents, have exhausting jobs and/or time-consuming hobbies that demand all your energy.
- The lack of love and imagination: In the past you seduced each other – with words, beautiful laundry or loving gestures. Maybe you did it in the car or even outdoors? Now the common bed is the linchpin in your sex life and for wicked games, lustful adventures and spontaneity there is no more leisure. You can change that!
Ideas & tips against routine during sex
Rule number one: You want change? Then take the first step! Figuring out what you want to change is one thing. Changing things is step two.
1. butter by the fishes: open your mouth!
Take heart and speak openly that you want a little more variety in sex. Preferably in a calm and harmonious moment and not immediately after sex. This is often an emotionally charged moment when we are very vulnerable. Tips for talking:
- Be understanding, but honest and specific to avoid misunderstandings
- Make suggestions and express wishes, rather than accusations (“I’d like it if we did it in the bathtub sometime…” rather than “You’re not making an effort anymore…”)
- Never make comparisons with ex-partners or experiences from previous relationships.
It is easier with a game: Both write 10 erotic fantasies on a piece of paper. Then they swap. Don’t judge them, but exchange your results and discover where there is common ground. Or how about “truth or dare”? This way you can ask your sweetheart about his fantasies or playfully express your own wishes.
2. take me here and now
If you prefer actions instead of words, you can simply “attack” your partner spontaneously with your desire. Don’t wait until it’s evening and you both fall into bed dead tired. Surprise your sweetheart with a number on the dining table, jump to him/her unexpectedly in the shower or wake him/her up with hot oral sex in the morning. The house cleaning or weekend shopping can wait – for such a spontaneous tryst it does not need much time. This kind of spontaneity every now and then will heat up your love life in no time and break the routine.
3. red lips should be kissed
Have you already kissed today? No, not the nice goodbye or welcome kiss – an intimate, long kiss! Intensive kisses heat up tremendously, but in many long-term relationships – outside of bed – they often come far too short. Grab your sweetheart and kiss him at the next opportunity so that his knees go weak.
4. the art of seduction
They say women want to be seduced. That’s true, and it’s just as true for men. We all enjoy the feeling of being desired. Why not bring flowers or your favorite chocolate or run your partner a bath and light some candles after a long day? Ban lust killers like cell phones, tablets & co. from the bedroom. Set up a room scent. Smells can be true love stimulants, because they increase hormone release and have an eroticizing effect. Try a potpourri bowl of dried rose petals and stimulating spices like cinnamon and vanilla. Or enjoy the look of your partner when he sees you in hot lingerie again. So leave the comfortable cotton underwear in the closet and get out the lace panties or wear something made of lacquer, leather or latex for a change.
5. sexy time: sex according to schedule
You want long, extensive sex but you simply don’t have the time? The best way to change that is to make a fixed appointment. What sounds like a horror scenario for romantics can be a real relationship boost. When you plan the next weeks together, schedule time for erotic hours. Consciously see this day as an investment in your relationship, because a sex date like this can give your love life wings. Extra tip: Set an appointment in your cell phone and let it remind you of the upcoming lovemaking. This awakens the anticipation!
6. sex fantasies: want some inspiration?
You think your sex is great, but it could be a little more imaginative? Get inspiration from erotic movies or erotic books – alone or together with your partner. Whether it’s something kinky like Fifty Shades of Grey, artsy and feminist porn, or the classic Kama Sutra, that’s up to your personal preferences. The brain is our largest pleasure organ. Get in the mood, stimulate your imagination and get inspiration for more variety in bed.
7. blind trust
For many couples, touching before and during sex follows a similar sequence. How about if it doesn’t happen that way for a change? Get your hands blindfolded and enjoy the feeling of being at your mercy, or tie your sweetheart’s hands together yourself behind your back or on the bedposts and then devote yourself to the touches you enjoy so much. Blindfolded eyes make touching even more intensely perceptible and the uncertainty of what your partner will do next increases the pleasure even more.
8. hot cold or bittersweet? Experience new pleasure
Small helpers – big effect. Feeling something new simply brings a breath of fresh air into the bedroom. Take an ice cube and let it make its rounds over your partner’s body. Over the neck, the nipples and the intimate area, the icy pleasure promises tingling, new feeling experiences. It gets hot with warming massage oil or a sensual massage candle. Or how about a stimulating tickle, caused by buzzing finger vibrators or sensual feather ticklers? A slap on the butt – with the flat of the hand or a special spanking accessory – causes a pleasant pleasure pain.
9. for a change: slow down
Ever heard of slow sex? This is not about making love at a snail’s pace, but rather about sex without stress. Slow sex is pleasure sex. It’s about finding new pleasure points together through attention and observation, noticing your own body and that of your partner again, and allowing feelings instead of rushing to orgasm as usual. The sexual intercourse should be especially delayed and can last a little longer. It is best to use slow, sensitive movements instead of fast in-out.
10. more than missionary: new positions & practices
Sure, you have your favorite position and that navigates you safely into the destination port time after time. But what’s wrong with a trip into unknown waters? Try out some new sex positions together – even those that might look a bit acrobatic. The goal is not the quick orgasm, but the fun of new adventures. In addition to new positions, new practices are also good against routine during sex: hot oral sex, a handjob in between or anal intercourse provide variety in bed.